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A Humble Plan to Fix Starbucks and Their Financial Woes

Before I begin, let me express that I am not necessarily a Starbucks fan, nor do I avoid their coffee.  It's kinda pricey, but it tastes okay.  If I were to boycott Starbucks altogether, they would earn approximately $4.00 less each month, which is hardly "make or break" material.


I have read recently that Starbucks is experiencing some measure of difficulty, and they've closed a lot of stores across the country.  I have a plan which just might help to turn the tide.


1. Taking a page from the McDonald's playbook, why not create a "Happy Funtime Coffee" for kiddos?  From what I gathered in my marketing classes in college, if a company makes kids happy, the family will surely follow.  You want kids begging to go to your stores.  There's no harm in providing a $2.50 mini cappuccino for toddlers, right?


2. Next, give some thought to adding a character to your lineup, a la Burger King, Jack in the Box, Ronald McDonald, etc.  How about these suggestions?


The Starbuckaroo - friendly, caffeine-addled cowboy who lives on a dude ranch and grows coffee beans


Twinkle, Twinkle Little Starbucks - clearly, this campaign could be aimed at capturing the burgeoning toddler coffee market segment


When You Wish Upon a Starbucks - for older kids - inspires them to chase their dreams, fueled by a grande iced mocha


3. Lastly, IT'S JUST A CUP OF COFFEE, people!  Based on friends of mine who are coffee aficianados, Dunkin Donuts' coffee is probably as good as yours - they probably charge a fraction of the price.  Maybe you should even consider adding some donuts to your menu if you haven't already?  You could supplement your ridiculously high profit margins.


I hope you will take these suggestions seriously.  I think any one of them could save some jobs.  :)


 


P.S. On another note, could someone explain to me what the heck happened to the McDonald's crew of characters that was so popular in my youth?  I have seen Ronald pop up from time to time, but what of the Gremlin, Hamburglar, and Mayor McCheese?  That epic tale of good vs. evil played out across the ages on commercials when I was growing up.  I don't even understand the relationships of the various characters, frankly, but I do know that the Hamburglar is likely in jail by now.  Maybe that's why the storyline fizzled out?


 

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