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What did you call me?

Welcome to my Andy Rooney-style commentary. I hope you enjoy it. By the way, I was shocked to realize recently that Andy Rooney just turned 89 years old in January. Dude - that is old, huh? Or at least old for someone who still actively on television every week.

I have noticed an interesting phenomenon at age 37. I am no longer always a "dude". Sometimes, I am a  "sir", and I don't like it one bit. To me, sir denotes a certain civility and a certain age range that I have not attained. If a kid at Gap calls me "sir", it means that he must think I am old enough to be friends with his dad, or to be his actual dad. I hope I'm not his actual dad, because he seems kind of stupid, if I'm being honest. But I digress....

Today, when I was leaving a listing of mine, I had just met with my buyer and his friends, all of whom are at least ten years younger than I am. I was pleasantly surprised that they called me "man", and in, "Nice to meet you, man." "Man" seems infinitely cooler than "sir". "Man" is a guy you might enjoy having a beer with on occasion, or maybe playing a round of golf. "Sir" is the guy that you worry about offending. Believe me, it takes a lot to offend me. Just ask any of my friends, or my wife. I am usually the one doing the offending.

I have noticed that many of my contemporaries call me "dude", which I probably have a tendency to overuse in conversation. It reminds me of the commercial for Bud Light sometimes:

You really can convey a lot with "dude" can't you?

 Some of my closer friends call me "bro" or "buddy", which makes for some nice male bonding. I will never tire of these, because they seem more sincere. Some of my friends call me "J" for short, or at least I think they are saying "J". Maybe they are saying "Jay", which I don't like as much. If you are among those who call me J (and you know who you are), don't tell me if you are thinking "Jay". Thanks!

The only thing worse than being called "sir" by a younger person is being called "Mr. Crouch". What? Do I have one foot in the grave? Do I need to get a facelift? Crap. So, I have a new line whenever someone calls me Mr. Crouch:

"Please, call me Mr. JASON Crouch."

That is an old joke from Steve Martin when he appeared on SNL many years back. Works for me. You probably think I am kidding, but I truly do use this comeback many times.

So, if you want to be my friend (or my "amigo"), don't call me Sir Jay. However, J-Cro is fine, as is J-Bro. Dr. J also has a nice ring to it.


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