Why do I seem to keep running in to you everywhere? An open letter to my least favorite agent in Austin

Disclaimer: If you think of me as an endearing and lovable person, and you don't want to ruin that impression, you might not want to read this particular post, as it has a pretty negative tone.  If you have no impression of me at all, don't let this one taint your opinion of me, as I am usually quite positive and upbeat, even in the face of adversity.  Just ask anyone who knows me.  I hope you find this humorous.  If not.....well, at least I tried.

I don't know if this has ever happened to you, but there is a person whom I really don't care for, at least as an agent.  We had an argument years ago when I was working with him/her on a deal.  Unfortunately, this same person seems to pop up unexpectedly and randomly at various locations around Austin.  Since I am a ridiculously nice guy (although this post may convince you differently), I always have a smile and a handshake at the ready for this particular person. 

This is an open letter to that agent:

Hello - I hope you won't be overtly offended by my note to you, but I had to get something off my chest, and I figure there's no time like the present.

Question #1: Are you stalking me?  I know that we really didn't get along very well after you lied to me and my clients, and I was forced to dress you down in front of everyone during the closing in order to set the record straight.  I promise I don't have any intention of working with you again if I can help it, so there's really no need to follow me around forcing me to be civil when I see you.

Question #2: Do you have any plans of retiring from real estate anytime soon?  Thus far, I haven't heard anyone speak well of you, yet you continue to thrive in this business for some odd reason.  Why is that exactly?  Perhaps it's just your simple persistence, or maybe you have managed to dupe clients for several decades.  Either way, I will be happy to hear about your eventual exit from this industry. 

Question #3: Does anyone truly enjoy working with you?  I have a feeling that I already know the answer to that one, so don't worry about responding. 

Question #4: Since no one likes working with you, and you are clearly a pathological liar, do you ever obtain referrals?  My guess is that you probably do, since there are bound to be deals that go smoothly for you, even though you clearly couldn't care less about anyone else.  I would love to know your secret, though, since you are what I like to think of as a "difficult personality".

Question #5: The next time you "happen" to run into me while I am going about my day, would you mind staying out of my line of sight so that I don't have to greet you at all?  It seems to put me in a bad mood, and I really enjoy being happy.  Enough said.

So, thanks in advance for just staying away from me, even though I expect that this letter will probably stir you to action and I will likely see you again very soon, either at the bank, or the grocery store, or some luncheon, or maybe just hanging around in my front yard smoking a cigar, kind of like Robert Deniro in that very creepy movie "Cape Fear" (or Robert Mitchum in the 1960's original), or perhaps boiling a rabbit in my kitchen like Glenn Close in "Fatal Attraction" (Note to reader: I was forced to come up with a male and a female version of odd and disturbing stalking, so that I wouldn't risk giving away this person's gender). 

So, thanks for taking the time to read my note.  I don't actually wish you any harm.  I just don't really want to see or talk to you.  I feel sure that you will understand.  Also, I am sure I'm not the first person to write a letter like this to you over the internet.  Take care of yourself - just do it at least 500 feet from me.

Sincerely,

Jason Crouch