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My Perfect Day in Real Estate

My wife likes to joke with me about my sense of humor.  I guess that sounds strange when you write it down.  Anyway, she knows what makes me laugh and the types of things that I think are funny.  Admittedly, bathroom humor still makes me laugh like I am 11 years old again.  Unintentionally funny things are often the funniest to me.  Word play is funny. 

But for me (according to my beautiful wife), the most humorous of all is the "what if this actually happened?" idea.

Here are some examples:

  • What if our toddler developed a foul mouth?  Actually, that already happened (please see my previous post on Our Trash-Talking Toddler )
  • What if we could use "getting better" scenes from movies to sell real estate?  (here's my take on that one - "Getting Better" Scenes from Movies - I wish we could use them with clients)
  • What if I could develop a new language using only my eyebrows?
  • What if, while watching that kindergartner dancing wildly and flailing her arms around at the church dinner, I just started clapping along and singing, "She's a maniac, maniac, on the floor!  And she's dancing like she's never danced before!"?  (I was sorely tempted a couple of weeks ago and came within a hair of actually doing this one)

At any rate, while I was on my way to pick up a buyer client today, I started thinking, "What if I could design my perfect day in real estate?" 

Here's how mine looks:

 I roll out of bed at 10:30am to greet the day.  My wife and I enjoy a tasty breakfast that our children prepared for us.  They clean the dishes while we watch a funny movie upstairs in the media room. 

Wow - look at the time.  It's almost 1:00.  My clients will be here to pick me up in about half an hour.  Just enough time to enjoy a long, leisurely shower.  My clients arrive right on time, and we hit the road to look at the two homes I have chosen to show them.  On the way, they laugh at every joke of mine, and we enjoy listening to some 80's tunes while discussing old Saturday Night Live episodes and Steve Martin standup routines.

"Oh, Jason, you are the best!", they exclaim in unison, as I humbly accept their compliment. 

The first home is perfect for them, and I say so.  They agree, and we head to the office to write it up.  On the way, we stop in for an expensive lunch (on them, of course). 

Back to business - I get the offer paperwork printed, and they insist on paying full price, cash, with a quick closing.  I explain to them that they could probably get a few thousand off of the asking price, but they won't hear of it. 

"Jason, we don't want to risk losing this home.  You listened to our needs and wants and spent the time to find our dream home.  We MUST pay their price, since it is so darn fair.  Also, we really want to pay you a bonus of $XXX."  Sorry for the XXX, but I must maintain some level of decorum, even in my dreamworld.  Talking about specific sums of money might make me seem greedy.  :-)

Alright, fair enough.  I will do it their way.  For once, I am not regretting this feeling.

 After emailing the offer, I get a call before we have even gathered out things.  We have a deal.  They are so excited that they simply must hug me and kiss each other.  Happier clients have never existed. 

Side note: I forgot to mention that he looks like the guy pictured to the left, complete with tophat and tails.

Back in the limo, the buyer informs me that he wants me, and only me, to help him with his large-scale development project.  Additionally, he gives me enough referrals to choke a horse, all before we arrive safely back at the doorstep of my home. 

All told, our outing lasted about three hours.

I wish them a good afternoon, and I am free to spend the rest of the day playing with my kids and blogging with impunity.  That night, my wife and I.....wait a minute, that's private! 

So, what if all of that actually happened?  It could, right?


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