You Might Be a Bad REALTOR If....

With apologies to Jeff Foxworthy, I would like to present a few real-life examples of bad Realtors that I have dealt with in the past.  You might consider this a companion post to this "Real Men of Genius"-themed post I did awhile back:

Here's to you, Mr. Client Who Doesn't Have a Clue

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  If your method of pricing is "What would you like to get for this house?"....you might be a bad Realtor.
  
  
  
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  If your window for returning phone calls is one particular hour during the day and you specify this on your voice mail...you might be a bad Realtor.
  
  
  
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  If you say "Your call is very important to me", then you are among the hardest people I have ever tried to reach in 12 years of real estate....you might be a bad Realtor.
  
  
  
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  If you present contracts missing vital pieces of information, such as the SALES PRICE, ....well, you know where I am headed with this one.
  
  
  
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  If your primary method of getting business is to sit outside builder models and prey on unrepresented buyers....
  
  
  
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  If you allow your assistant to handle the most challenging parts of the business....
  
  
  
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  If you refuse to offend your clients by simply setting the appropriate expectations during a negotiation...
  
  
  
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  If you are so uninvolved during the transaction that I have to spend hours with YOUR client working out repair details, resulting in roughly $7 million in referral business for me....
  
  
  
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  If your best negotiating technique is, "I had to use smelling salts on the seller after presenting your offer", then we still get it for $300,000 less than the asking price...
  
  
  
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  If you greet me and my potential buyers with the following phrase: "Welcome home!", ....
  
  
  
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  If you offer up my services as a mover during our mutual closing, you might not be a bad Realtor - you are just a jerk.
  
  
  
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  If you steal my client during my first potential million-dollar sale in 1997, you may be a fine Realtor, but I will NEVER show one of your listings again, nor will any of my agents.
  
  
  
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  If you don't publish your cell phone number anywhere, ....
  
  
  
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  If you refuse to blog because "I don't really have time", you are cheating no one but yourself.
  
  
  
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  If you don't keep up with current contracts, ....
  
  
  
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  If you allow your builder client to counter an offer by changing my commission and NOT the price, you are a schmuck.
  
  
  
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  If you are a builder and you require me to be present "on the first visit" in order for me to get paid when my client enters your model on a Sunday afternoon, I can assure you that you will pay me or I will take them elsewhere.  It's not as hard as you think.
  
  
  
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  If you are a lender and you tell me that my client is "pre-approved" and you later come back and tell me that things will not work out because of some minor bit of minutiae that you overlooked, I marvel at the fact that you appear to make an actual living in the mortgage business.
  
  
  
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  If you are a title company escrow officer assistant, and you blame something that you did on me, you are foolish and this will come back to bite you (believe me on this).
  
  
  
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  If you are a top-producing agent in west Austin, and you attempt to solicit my client IN FRONT OF ME, expect to be embarrassed in front of your client and mine.
  
  
  
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  If you lie at a closing in order to cover up a mistake, expect that I will call you on it and make you fix it.  Even though I can be the world's nicest guy, I don't appreciate dishonesty. 
  
  
  
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  LASTLY, if you do something truly bad or stupid during our transaction together, expect that it will end up on my blog in some form. 
  
  
  

Thanks for reading this extensive (though not exhaustive) list!